el amor

I cry in church every Sunday.  Without fail, something makes me cry.  For the past year, it's been this overwhelming sense of God's love rather than sheer misery which preceded it for a longer period of time than I care to admit.  Today I had tears streaming down my cheeks while I sang and smiled as if I had a bigger mouth than I actually do.

With a complete sense of peace and unwavering amount of faith - I sang 10,000 Reasons.  I could not be any more in love with that song.  It moves me at my core.  The cadence is enveloping; the words are extraordinary.

So as I'm standing there, swaying, smiling, thanking, loving...I get it.  Maybe not everything - but whatever it is that I got, I didn't let go.  I hung on to the simple notion that I have had some very special people in my life, at exactly the right times, for exactly the right reasons, and I've had the opportunity to love them and be loved by them.  I hung on...

Sometimes longer than I should have, perhaps.  Sometimes, not tightly enough.  Sometimes, once, from afar.  Unspoken.  Unrequited.  Unbelievable.

Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me, let me be singing when the evening comes.

I was singing this line moments ago as I climbed the stairs and Liv shushed me because she was reading.  So I hummed instead.

You're rich in love, and You're slow to anger
Your name is great, and Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find

After the song was over, we sat down and continued learning about Paul's letter to the Colossians.  In our notes, we wrote down three of his character traits, which instantly confirmed for me why I came to the conclusion last week that I love Paul.

Paul had 1) a brilliant mind; 2) an indomitable will; 3) a tender heart

I love.  I love lists, I love these words, I love that I still have the propensity to believe in love.  I love knowing, unequivocally, that I'll feel it again.

Which is a song by Honeymoon Suite.  We did not sing that in church today.